So…umm…can I talk to you?

We need to talk…

Four little words everyone hates to hear, but everyone needs to say at some point in their lives.  What’s funny about those four little words is they are often associated with break ups, but I’m starting to realize they’re not a sign of an ending, but more of an uncomfortable change.

Change is something most people hate.  Something I hate.  It’s unpredictable, uncontrollable.  If you’re a somewhat successful adult it’s mainly because you’ve mastered the art of control.  You’ve learned that control is your friend, whether it’s controlling yourself or controlling others.

But at some point you realize maintaining the status quo isn’t satisfying, that something is going to have to change.  That you actually want something to change.  And if that something is a relationship with another person, you’re going to have to use those four little words.  You’re going to have to be uncomfortable.

What’s most scary about using those four little words is the person who says it is actually the one that’s most vulnerable.  You wonder to yourself: Should I rock the boat?  Are they going to be mad at me? Am I going to hurt them?  Are they going to lose respect for me?  Will they stop loving me after hearing what I have to say?

And the truth is the answer to many of those questions might be yes.  But if the relationship is important to both parties, it will recover.  And when it does, it’ll be stronger.  Or at least that’s what I tell myself.  Because all I know is hiding from what I really feel hasn’t been working for me.  And that has to change.

I actually want it to change.

~Sonja Braun